she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
