She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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