My cat gives me a boner
I queefed so loud it echoed.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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