I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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