Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
