People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
