Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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