listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Too much gin, very little bucket
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
