I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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