my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
