she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
