im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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