I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
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You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
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We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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