Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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