It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
