i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
sex in a hospital.. check
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
