Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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