Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
