hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
