he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
