don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
