It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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