we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
