Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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