Non-Jews are for practice
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are