I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.