I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo