he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
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Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?