If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night