Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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