My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
