I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
