Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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