My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
How's work?
Spinning.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
