Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
