when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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