She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
