So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
