Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
