Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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