First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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