Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
