i'm signing you up for texting rehab
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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