Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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