lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
