i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
