You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
