I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There are leaves in my underwear?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize