Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
