I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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