Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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