i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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