Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
