Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
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Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
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Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
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