Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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