god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize