in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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