That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
