Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He has the fingertips of a God
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