She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
