We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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