I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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