I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
