I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
