dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
