i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
