brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
