how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
