i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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