May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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