Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
