It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
