4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
