it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
