Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
