my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
