Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
