im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize