I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
