I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
